Distressed adolescents often feel self-conscious and rejected, whether they verbalize it or keep it to themselves.
Additionally, they struggle to grasp how their thoughts shape their emotions and actions, making social interactions even more complex than they need to be.
The adolescent brain 🧠 undergoes rapid development, with the prefrontal cortex (self-control center) maturing slower than the limbic system (emotion center), posing challenges in emotional regulation.
Emotional regulation in adolescence is vital for mental health, academic achievement, relationships, resilience, risk prevention, and healthy sense of self, laying the groundwork for a balanced road to adulthood.
Identifying unproductive (and ultimately harmful) internalized dialogue or "self-talk" is an important step towards regulating emotional states, enhancing a sense of adequacy, self-belonging, healthy self-esteem and resilience. The challenge is that patterns of harmful thinking are often below the conscious surface.
✳️ Self-esteem is made up of our beliefs about ourselves and our emotional state.
✳️ People with healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves and their lives, and are better able to navigate through life's ups and downs.
✳️ People with low self-esteem often feel unsatisfied with themselves, unsatisfied with others, victimized and doubting of their abilities.
Praise and approval are not enough. We need to go deeper. When our sense of control is not internal, it is considered an "external locus of control," believing that life outcomes are primarily determined by external forces like other people, rather than our own actions and choices.
Do we want our kids to be able to handle life's challenges, feel grounded in who they are, and able to manage themselves in a variety of situations, interactions, and relationships? 🦋
🌻 Parents can support their teens by using this tool and getting accustomed to it first, to consciously experience their own patterns of thinking when things don't go as they wish.
🌻 Then they can share the tool to assist their teen in improving self-awareness and self-management, developing their "internal locus of control," the belief that a person has the power to control their own life and outcomes, increasing overall well-being.
🌻 Talk to your teen about your own hidden patterns of thought, sharing instances when you’ve caught these faulty types in your own thinking. Encourage them to “catch” the different types in their own internalized dialogue when they are feeling upset.
This is just one tool, but it's a start. Self-awareness is the foundational step to building self-efficacy and experiencing joy. 🦋
Use this tool, called 7 HITS, to begin to identify internal dialogue before it develops into a maladaptive pattern. "Name it to tame it" - Dr. Dan Siegel of the Mindsight Institute.
Once you get comfortable with identifying the different types of unproductive self-talk try intervening with a HIP (Helpful Internal Practice) tool, called Under RAPS. After identifying an unproductive thought, substitute it with a thought that is Realistic, Accurate, Productive, and Specific:
🦋 Contact me if you have questions or would like further guidance 🦋
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