Adolescence is an intense, complicated time. Our teens are navigating a phase where they feel like everyone is watching—and judging—them.
This intense self-consciousness paired with the incredible need to belong becomes so stressful that many kids start to feel disconnected from themselves - a way to psychologically opt out of the strain and distress they're experiencing (fight-flight-freeze response).
This disconnection, called dissociation, is when a person mentally "checks out"—disconnecting from their thoughts, feelings, or even their sense of self. We all experience it now and then (like daydreaming or zoning out), but for teens, it can become a bigger issue.
Severe dissociation can show up as:
Derealization: Feeling like the world around us is distant or unreal.
Depersonalization: Feeling detached from our body or sense of Self.
When this happens, teens can feel overwhelmed and stuck, as though they’re not truly living their lives. This sense of being "disembodied" often goes hand in hand with feelings like anxiety, depression, anger, loneliness, body dysmorphia, and questioning their meaning or worth in the world.
Why It’s Harder Than Ever
Let’s be real—the modern world isn’t making this any easier. Hours on phones, endless scrolling through social media, being co-parented by young adult streamers and influencers, shutting out the real world through the constant wearing of headphones, living mostly indoors, sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, and lack of physical movement - the perfect storm for a deeper disconnect.
Here’s how the cycle plays out:
Self-consciousness triggers emotional pain—teens feel judged and inadequate and question their worth.
Dissociation becomes a coping mechanism—they mentally check out to avoid that pain. Lack of other types of coping methods locks this as the primary go-to.
Disconnection fuels more anxiety and confusion—and the cycle repeats.
How You Can Help
As parents, you have the power to help break this cycle and get your teen feeling more grounded and at home in their body, their family and in life.
Here’s where to start:
1. Create Boundaries Around Connection
Persist with ensuring family meals happen regularly, take walks together, play board games, ask open ended questions, wonder aloud what you imagine they're thinking, and tell stories about your adolescence - get those old photos out too. Additionally, encourage and insist on screen-free times as a family norm to create space for real connection and for good quality sleep.
2. Get Them Moving
Help them find physical activities they love—sports, dancing, biking, jumprope, rollerblading...Movement grounds them in their body and eases feelings of detachment.
3. Focus on Recharge and Nutrition
Support consistent sleep routines and create a calming environment at night.
Serve meals that are brain-and-body-nourishing—teens need fuel to thrive.
4. Model Body Acceptance
Watch how you talk about your own body and theirs. Shift the focus from how bodies look to what they are capable of. Remind them that discomfort is normal, and tell them about some of your own teen (and adult) experiences with it.
5. Build Emotional Awareness
Teach them to name and express their feelings, that all feelings are understandable in context, and human (and not at all the same as actions), and that feelings don't define us but rather inform us. Reinforce the idea that perfection isn’t the goal—compassionate connection is.
6. Offer Unwavering Support
Show them they’re loved and valued for who they are, not what they achieve or how they've screwed up. Stay consistent, even if they push you away (it’s just a phase) - it's their job to individuate - but it doesn't last forever.
Adolescence is tough—but it’s also a time of incredible transformation. With the right-enough support, teens can come out of this phase with a stronger sense of who they are, both in their bodies and their relationships.
Reflect on how you can utilize some of these tools to help them thrive.
What’s worked for you in supporting your teen? What hasn't? Share your experience—I'd love to hear from you.
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